alkaloon n: A loon who believes that the body can be made more alkaline by consuming water or other products with pH slightly above neutral, or (more specifically) that this would be a good thing.
Normal blood is slightly alkaline, maintained in the range pH 7.35-7.45 by a complex homeostatic process evolved over billions of years to ensure that your blood does not stray outside this range – if blood pH drops too low you get [W:acidosis] and if it goes too high you get [W:alkalosis], neither of which is good. One defence the body has against sudden spikes in acidity or alkalinity is called the stomach, which is full of [W:gastric acid] at a pH of 1.5 to 3.5 (meaning that you would have to drink many gallons of alkaline water to change the body’s pH at all, and that’s probably just as well because regardless of what the alkaloons tell you, you really wouldn’t want to.
Alkaloons say that acidity is The One True Cause Of All Diseases™. Especially cancer, of course. Scientists respond to this claim by pointing and laughing.
See also: [R:Alkaline diet], [W:alkalosis]
Anthroposophistry is the term for the mental and linguistic gymnastics Steiner-Waldorf fans use to distance themselves from the bonkers (and racist) theories on which Waldorf education is based. Fun exercise to try at home: Ask your nearest Steinerist if they believe in the literal existence of gnomes.
Appeer review v (transitive): The process by which quackery journals put papers so they appear to be reviewed, thus qualifying for listing in in PubMed, despite the fact that virtually everything published is abject nonsense. The threshold for passing appeer review is that the paper supports the pet modality of the journal editors.